party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if only i could text you this smell
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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