never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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