this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize