Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
