sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
