he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
