My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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