You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
