Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
