i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
