He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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