Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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