i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize