Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
