I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
