Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
