you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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