And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
