lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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