Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
