Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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