I hate your face
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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