He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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