Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
