operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
