Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
