so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
