I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just cropdusted the office
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
