Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
