i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
