Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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