i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
