Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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