Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
