I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
