I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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