I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
