I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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