I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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