um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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