I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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