YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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