I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
