i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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