Non-Jews are for practice
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
