Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
