I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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