I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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