Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
