Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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