Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
