but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
