i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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