he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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