We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
