ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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