I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
