using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
