I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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