You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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