I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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