I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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