So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
