dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
