I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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