I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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