He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
