If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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