its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize