I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
