you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
