so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
