I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
