Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
