She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need water and some morals
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
