For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize