that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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