We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
