laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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