You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
