Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
