Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
