i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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