I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
