Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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