My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize