omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
