first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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