I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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