I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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