You smell like stripper and shame
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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