you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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