I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize