Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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