As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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