My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
