First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
