So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize