were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is glitter all over my balls
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