Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
