I can text with my tongue
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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