i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
