I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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