if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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