So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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