When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
