One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
