I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
