She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
