I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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