Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
