my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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